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Nowhere To Stand

Nowhere to stand

Three years ago I had the most profound dream. I was on tour in the northern part of Norway, and this very night we were staying at a hotel way up in the mountains. In the middle of the night I woke up sulking, something I have never experienced before. I immediately remembered the dream I just had.

In the dream, I was deprived of all my roles. The first one was my role as being a skillful driver. In the dream I was driving the tour bus. On our way to the venue, one of the guys in the backseat told me I was not much of a driver. The way he said it, it was like he was merely stating a fact. As the dream progressed, one by one every role I had been identified with was disclosed. The last thing I remembered before waking up was that we visited my parents house. When we were about to leave, my mother said she had something she had to tell me. “We do not really know how to say this, but the thing is you are not Frode.” Then I woke up.

It took me a long time before I was able to fall asleep again. Not knowing who I was anymore was a shocking experience. I was not even myself. At the same time, I was able to see that my roles came later. They were not first, the earliest nor the closest. Like clothes. They are worn by me, but they are not who I am.

Where do we stand? Everything is constantly changing. If we cling to something or other, we will interfere with the flow of life. It does not mean we can not have one address, a name, one relation throughout life. Whether we choose to live in a skyscraper or a cave in the Himalayas does not matter. However, if our clinging is based on fear, believing that if we let go, the very thing we cling to will cease to exist, our justification for clinging will be based on a lie. This lie is the cause of suffering.

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