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The more I let go of, the more is available

Today I traveled from Munich to Amsterdam. When boarding my plane, I noticed Krishna Das at the gate. He was one of many westerners traveling to India in the 70s following Ram Dass´ footsteps. Seeing him made me reflect upon everything that has happened in my life these last few years. I thought about the major shifts that has taken place inside since 2010 when my whole life changed. About unconditional love, the essence of Ram Dass´ message, and how profoundly it touched me three years ago when I first encountered his teachings. Also, this was the second time this month that I personally was reminded about Ram Dass. The first being on my pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela early September 2015, when meeting an elderly woman who attended Ram Dass´ first lectures after returning from India, 1969. 

I sat with all of this for a while before picking up my book (Second Sight by Judith Orloff). I ended up contemplating on the following paragraph:

“For much of my life, when I tried so diligently to squash my visions, ever-present and hammering to get through, I felt imprisoned in a tiny little box. Working as a psychic at Mobius, the walls of that box began to soften and then melt away. Suddenly I´d find myself in a reality so huge that the boundaries disappeared and I knew that anything was possible. It was there I was privy to a myriad of images, sensations, and sounds outside the realms of my ordinary perceptions. It was there I could drop the claustrophobic persona of “psychiatrist”, a role that seemed too small to fit who I was anymore. It was there I could release all defining and confining concepts and become something more.”

I could not have found a better and more accurate description of how I feel at the moment. My perception of many years of a limited world, of myself being limited and inferior – it is all changing. The feeling of being trapped inside a role (musician being the predominant one) is about to loosen up. The more I let go of, the more is available.

“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.”

– Pema Chödron

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